An Elderly lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up gain, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck.
A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says,
"I see she caught YOU at it, too...."
HA HA HA HA............
The "Frog" A scientist has a frog a tells it to jump. It jumps 20 feet. He cuts of a leg then tells it to hop, it then hops 15 feet. He again cuts off a leg and again tells it to hop, this time it hops 10 feet. Then he cuts off another leg and tells it to hop, it hops 5 feet. He then cuts off the last leg and tells it to hop. HOP! HOP! HOP! he says, the frog will not hop.
He records all of his findings in his log book: 4 legs 20ft, 3 legs 15ft,2 legs 10ft, 1 leg 5ft, 0 legs FROG DEAF!
Two Sisters (ROTFL) Two nuns went out of their convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down........
The Rooster A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over the old rooster and says, "Ok old fart, time to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, you cannot handle ALL these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?
The young rooster says, "Beat it! You are washed up and I am taking over."
The old rooster says, "I will tell you what young stud, I will race you around the farmhouse. Whomever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair I will give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and BOOM! he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Damn it....third gay rooster I bought this month."
HA HA HA HA HA HA....................CLOSE TO FALLING OFF MY SEAT NOW