I HAVE JUST ABOUT HAD IT WITH THC...BUNCH OF BLOODY MORONS.. WHO THINK THAT I SIT ON MY ARSE ALL DAY DOING NOTHING .... HUH THEY THINK I CAN AFFORD XXX AMOUNT THEY CAN THINK AGAIN... *^^%^^&*&. **^^^%%$$££££$""££~~@@@@@... ( LOT OF SWEAR WORDS IN THERE...) I HAVE TO REALLY LET OF STEAM...HERE GOES
25 Rules to help Men understand Women 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If you've managed to lift it up, gravity is on your side when it comes to putting it back down.
2. Sometimes, we are not thinking about having sex.
3. "I ate it, didn't I?" is not considered praise.
4. Your responsibility for raising children does NOT end at conception.
5. Get rid of your comb-over. It's not different -- it's just as ridiculous as every other comb over. You're losing your hair -- face it.
6. An order of takeout ribs and a Chris Farley movie is not everybody's idea of a good time.
7. "Yeah yeah, you look fine" is not a compliment.
8. Yes, I DO tell my best friend everything.
9. You have enough ballcaps.
10. You have too many t-shirts.
11. You're too old to wear a goatee.
12. Every actor we find attractive is not gay. You can stop using this one - - we've all heard it.
13. A hug is not always a prelude to sex.
14. When we ask "are you listening," we already know you're not.
15. Your best friend is an idiot.
16. Nothing says "I love you" like offering to go to the grocery store.
17. If you can rebuild the carburetor on a '66 Mustang, working the washing machine should be a snap.
18. Yes and no are sometimes acceptable answers -- grunts and blank stares are not.
19. A sore back that prevents you from doing household chores for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
20. Underwear is like a car. After five years, it needs to be replaced with a newer model.
21. A romantic weekend getaway does not involve baiting a hook.
22. Slapping us on the butt and saying "how bout getting me a cold one" is not foreplay.
23. The missionary position is best left to missionaries.
24. Rolling over and mumbling "I've got to get some sleep" does not produce an afterglow.
25. If it was really good for me...you wouldn't have to ask.
HA HA HA HA.......MEN..........
HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE CAN WE DO THAT ON FRIDAY PLEASE...... 1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) 3) Insist that your e mail address be email@example.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com. 4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. 6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'. 7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. 8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.' 10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." 11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy". 12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way. 13) Don't use any punctuation 14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 15) Ask people what sex they are. 16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". 17) Sing Along at the opera. 18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.Wear them one day after your boss does.(This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.) 20) Send e mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom. 21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. 22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
Things You Didn't Know
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A snail can sleep for three years... I WISH I COULD DO THAT...
All polar bears are left handed.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class....HUH!!
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (Kinda gives new meaning to the term bird brain, doesn't it?)
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about 10.... NOW YOU KNOW WHY WE LOVE CATS
Cats urine glows under a black light...TMD
China has more English speakers than the United States.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear any pants.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure...OH!!
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand 7' 2" tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
Leonardo da Vinci invented the scissors.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
Michael Jordan has more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
No word in the English language rhymes with month...THINK ABOUT IT
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death....OH SO TRUE
One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 1930's lobbied against hemp farmers - they saw it as competition.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Starfish haven't got brains.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night. (In this case I HOPE I am not average!)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
The name Wendy was made up for the book 'Peter Pan'.
The Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as necessary. When it was built in the 1940's, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
The word race car and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.