Because You Are My Friend... When you are sad, ... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.
When you are scared, .... I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried, ... I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining.
When you are confused, ... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are lost, ... I will answer my cell phone and give you directions.
When you are sick, ... I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain God.
When you fall, ... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath, ... I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask? Because you're my friend.
WHEN A POLICEMAN SAYS vs What They Really Mean While on routine patrol... / I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed. The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner / He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN-DON'T FEED THE PIGS!" The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control. / It was raining. I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner. / The dirt-bag let go with an "oink" when I walked by. Knowing the suspect had a criminal history... / He puked on my uniform one night. The information is of known credibility and has provided reliable information in the past. / I've got two theft cases hanging over my head. While being arrested, this subject resisted being injured in the act. / He ripped my shirt and broke my new mirror sunglasses. The motorist was cited for multiple traffic violations. / I wrote one citation for each swear word. Upon announcing my title and purpose, I heard a voice from inside say, "Come in." / The rock music was so loud they wouldn't have heard Patton's army, so I kicked in the door. The members of the press at the scene were offered every courtesy within departmental policies. / I sent them to a non-existent address which I called the "Command Post." I gave the motorist a verbal warning for speeding. / She was a good looking blonde who owned a liquor store and who was free after my shift was over. The Chief appeared at the scene and took command. / I sent him to the same address as the reporters. Further interview of the witness was impossible due to conditions. / It was my bowling night. The defendant asked the officer's advice on how to act before the judge at his arraignment. / I told him he didn't have the balls to call the judge the same name he called me.
Annoying Things to Do at the Bowling Alley
WHOEVER LIKE TO TENPIN BOWL PLEASE I DARE YOU TO DO SOME OF THESE GO ON GO ON GO ON......
Pray to the pins, leave sacrifices Wear golf shoes. Every time you throw exclaim "TAKE THAT, YOU JERKS!" Continue this behavior until forcefully thrown out. When ever a strike "X" appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black Panther conspiracy. Explain to the owner how your game is "All sorts of messed up" due to plate tectonics, then lose him in lingo. Demand compensation. Make lewd and graphic references to your "ball". Works well on Senior Ladies night Play bocci with extra lane balls Try to juggle the balls, when you drop them, start screaming about plate tectonics again. Every ten minutes run the entire length of the building beating your own head and speaking in tongues, then sit down as if nothing happened Bring full angling gear, ask how they're biting. Completely cover your ball in duct tape (sticky side out) then loudly complain about how your hook is off. Hide behind the pins, stick your head up laughing hysterically Use a curling weight instead, bring a full team of sweepers Throw refuse down the ball return, tell the owner the trash compactor is busted Make your presence known by arranging pentagrams out of candles on every lane except yours Root for the other team - bring banners. Make fun of your team - bring lettuce. Bring a foghorn, use at crucial moments. Even if you miss totally--At the top of your lungs scream STEEEEEERIKE Bring a small gold idol, demand the other team pray to it. Rent all the lanes, don't bowl. Blatently UNderscore yourself, then accuse the other team of cheating. When an opponent is on his backswing, race up and take his ball and run home. If your team is in the finals, throw nothing but gutterballs and blame plate tectonics. Trip EVERY member of the opposing team, trip your team, trip everyone. Wear a baseball uniform, bowl sidearm. Superglue police whistles to the hand-dryers. Leave town. Walk around asking people why they are here. Do this the whole night. Ask to use the house mic. Say you want to make an announcement, then expound on the sins of bowling. Name your ball something like "KILLER". Openly boast to everyone how great you are, throw like a wimp, do this all night Sit in your lane and heckle others with a bullhorn. Bring a dartgun. Be inventive. Wrestle with your ball. (WWF Style) Ask someone to ref. Run around sprinkling "magic fairy dust" on everyone's balls. Sponsor a Really Big Open Bowl Night. Don't even have a entrance Fee, advertise it like crazy using every mass media known to man, make the 3rd Prize $10,000 and a Porsche, the 2nd Prize $5,000 and a trip to Europe and 1st Prize a coffee mug. Then sit back a watch the fights. Leave.