AM ON A ROLL SO HANG ON TO YOUR CHAIRS THE FIRST ONE'S FUNNY AND IT GETS BETTER...............
Mary Poppins One stormy day, Mary Poppins was walking down a dirt road. She became very tired from walking, and decided to rest at a nearby motel. As she walked inside, she put her umbrella on the umbrella rack, then asked the person behind the counter for a room.
"Hello, I would like a room just for tonight," Mary Poppins said to the man.
"Well, you're just in luck because we have one room left," he replied.
Mary Poppins looked very pleased. After the man handed her the keys to the room, he then added,"Oh, by the way, would you like room service to bring you up something to eat?"
"Why, certainly," Mary Poppins answered, "I would like some cauliflower, swiss cheese, and eggs thank you very much."
"Okay, we'll have it right up in a minute." he said.
So, Mary Poppins went up to her room, and as the man said, room service gave her cauliflower, eggs, and swiss cheese.
The next day, as Mary Poppins was checking out of the motel, the man asked her how she enjoyed her meal.
"Well," she started,"The cauliflower was good, and so was the cheese, but the eggs weren't very tasty."
"Well, over there we have something called the suggestion box. So, if you have anything to write down, thn feel free to,"the man said in response.
So, Mary Poppins walked over the suggestion box, wrote something down on a piece of paper, put it in, grabbed her umbrella, then left.
The man was very curious as to what she wrote. So he walked over to the suggestion box, and looked at what she wrote down.
He read: Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrociuos.
HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Rope There were 11 people hanging onto a single rope that suspended them over a deep ravine. Ten were men and one was a woman. They all decided that one person would have to let go because, if they didn't, the rope would break and every one of them would die. No one could decide who it should be, so finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, and giving in to men. All of the men started clapping.
Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Me, too," said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch.
They flew down and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate until they couldn't eat anymore.
"I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree," said the first robin. "Me either," said the second robin. "Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun," said the first. "OK," said the second. The robins plopped down, basking in the sun.
They had barely fallen asleep when a big, fat tom cat sneaked up and gobbled both of them down. As he sat washing his face after his meal, the cat thought -- ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?...
"I just LOVE Baskin' Robins!" (DOH!)
The Theology of Toys * Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins. * Hari Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins. * Judaism - He who buys toys at the lowest price, wins. * Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins. * Anglican - They were our toys first. * Greek Orthodox - No, they were OURS first. * Branch Davidians - He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins. * Atheism - There is no toy maker. * Polytheism - There are many toy makers. * Evolutionism - The toys made themselves. * Church of Christ, Scientist - We are the toys. * Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to the opposite of heaven if we catch you selling yours. * Baha'i - All toys are just fine with us. * Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin. * Taoism - The doll is as important as the dumptruck. * Mormonism - Every boy may have as many toys as he wants. * Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second... * Hedonsim - Hang the rule book! Let's play! * 7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses. * Church of Christ - He whose toys make music, loses. * Baptist - Once played always played. * Jehovah's Witnesses - He who "places" the most toys door-to-door, wins. * Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins. * Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination. * Confucianism - Once a toy is dipped in water, it is no longer dry. * Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play.
This is creepy! *Think of a letter between ** A and W. .. .. .. .. .. ..
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. **Keep going . . .. .. .. .. .. .. ** Don't stop ** .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Think of an **animal **that begins **with that letter .. .. .. . . .. . .. .. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. .. .. . .. .. .. .. .. Think of either a **man's/woman's ** name ** that **begins with the ** last letter** **in the animal's name .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ** .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Almost there....... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Now .. .. .. *count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Take the hand you counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Look at your palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the person's name? .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Of course not...... .. .. .. Now smack yourself in the head, get a life, and quit playing stupid e-mail games!