HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE OF 'EM DAYS WHERE YOUR FEET JUST NEVER TOUCHED THE GROUND?????????? I HAD ONE OF THOSE ONE'S TODAY AND IT WASN'T PRETTY I CAN TELL YOU..... AT 8:30am I STEPPED INSIDE THE NURSERY TO BE GREETED WITH THE MANAGER AND ANOTHER MEMBER OF STAFF WHO HAS INJURED HER BACK...OK SO THAT AIN'T BAD RIGHT?.. OH YOU CAN BE SO WRONG.... TODAY WAS MEANT TO BE THE TODDLER'S ROOM WHERE I WAS... BUT THE MANAGER ASKED ME TO STAY WITH THE BABIES SSEING AS I KNEW WHAT TO DO...BEING NICE (YOU KNOW ME) I SAID OK....FROM START TO FINNISH ALL HELL WAS LET LOOSE IN THAT ROOM...COME ON HOW HARD CAN IT BE LOOKING AFTER 12 BABIES/ TODDLERS.............. 1st OF ALL ONE BABY CRIED ALL DAY........THE SAME BABY DECIDED TO THROW UP ALL OVER ME... ANOTHER DECIDED TO WIPE SNOT ALL OVER ME......CAME HOME TO FIND OUT WE HAVE A VISITOR MY REACTION ( YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!)....NOW I CAN FINALLY RELAX (WELL FOR A BIT ANYWAY...LOL)ON WITH THE JOKES
The New Factory Worker A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle Me Elmo dolls." It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.
The boss could not control his laughter and said, "Lady, I said to give each doll Two----Test----Tickles."
YOU GOTTA LOVE IT ............
THE DEAN Leaps tall buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Gives policy to God
THE DEPARTMENT HEAD Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Talks with God
PROFESSOR Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds Is almost as powerful as a switch engine Is faster than a speeding BB Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool Talks with God if a special request is honored
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR Barely clears a Quonset hut Loses tug of war with a locomotive Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well Is occasionally addressed by God
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings Is run over by locomotives Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury Treads water Talks to animals
INSTRUCTOR Climbs walls continually Rides the rails Plays Russian Roulette Walks on thin ice Prays a lot
GRADUATE STUDENT Runs into buildings Recognizes locomotives two out of three times Is not issued ammunition Can stay afloat with a life jacket Talks to walls
UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings Says "Look at the choo-choo" Wets himself with a water pistol Plays in mud puddles Mumbles to himself
THE DEPARTMENT SECRETARY Lifts tall buildings and walks under them Kicks locomotives off the track Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them Freezes water with a single glance
HA HA HA..............
What Mistake? If a barber makes a mistake, it's a new style...
If a driver makes a mistake, it's an accident...
If a engineer makes a mistake, it's a new venture...
If parents make a mistake, it's a new generation...
If a politician makes a mistake, it's a new law...
If a scientist makes a mistake, it's a new invention...
If a tailor makes a mistake, it's a new fashion...
If a teacher makes a mistake, it's a new theory...
If our boss makes a mistake, it's our mistake...
If an employee makes a mistake, it's a MISTAKE!
SO SO SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Variations On Murphy's Law 1. The Law of Common Sense Never accept a drink from a urologist.
2. The Law of Reality Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
3. The Law of Self Sacrifice When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
4. The Law of Volunteering If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
5. The Law of Avoiding Oversell When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
6. The Law of Motivation Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
7. Boob's Law You always find something in the last place you look.
8. Wailer's Law Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
9. Law of Probable Dispersal Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
10. Law of Volunteer Labor People are always available for work in the past tense.
11. Conway's Law In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
12. Iron Law of Distribution Them that has, gets.
13. Law of Cybernetic Entomology There is always one more bug.
14. Law of Drunkenness You can't fall off the floor.
15. Heeler's Law The first myth of management is that it exists.
16. Osborne's Law Variables won't; constants aren't.
17. Main's Law For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
18. Weinberg's Second Law If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.