I AM IN NO MOOD FOR COMPLAINTS THAT I AM BEING BOLNDE-IST SINCE I AM ONE AND I FIND TEH JOKES VERY FUNNY....IF YOU TAKE OFFENCE ..BITE ME!!!!!!!!!!
* She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. * She thought a quarterback was a refund. * She tripped over the cordless phone. * She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind. * She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK * She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. * At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Sagittarius * If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. * When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved. * Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her months to figure out she could use it at night. * What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? * "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!" * Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said"concentrate" * Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain. * What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring. * Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter. * What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4-way stop * What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An airpocket. * What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar. * Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This goes in front"
HA HA HA HA HA.............THESE ARE SO GOOD....I SHOULD KNOW ....................HA HA HA HA
AND NOW THE LEGEND!!! Legend has it that there is a coffee bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie---*poof*------- you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again. Soooooo....
A redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."
*Poof* the mirror swallows her up.
Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says,"I think I'm the sexiest woman alive". *Poof* the mirror swallows her.
Then, an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think...". *Poof*
.............................HA HA HA HA HA
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
~Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
~Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland "Left", so they turned around and went home.
~What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common? You always hear about them but never see them.
~What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios? Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.
~Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Because it said concentrate.
~Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
~How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it.
~Why can't Blondes dial 911? They can't find the 11 on the phone!
~What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you? Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
~How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer? There is white-out all over the monitor.
~Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
~A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said, "Oh look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"
~How do you drown a Blonde? Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
~Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
~How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye? Shine a flashlight in her ear.
~Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
~What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training.
~What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
~How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Oh my, a Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde... A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.
"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"
"OK," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."
Barbie and Blondes Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"
In a condescending manner, she says "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00".
Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"That's obvious" the sales lady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture.
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine in a Las Vegas casino, puts in a few coins, and out pops a Coke. She puts some more coins into the machine, and another can of soda pops out. She keeps putting in coins, and cans of soda keep coming out.
A guy walks up behind her and says, "Can I please use the machine?"
She says, "Get lost! Can't you see I'm winning?"
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@' HA HA HA ##
The Brunette! A brunette sat at the side off the rode nodding and continueally mumbling to herself.."twenty seven, twenty seven, twenty seven" until a blonde passed by and asked her what she was doing. the brunette replied, "just sit right there in the road and say it to yourself, it's fun!". taking her advice, the blonde sat in the middle of the rode saying out loud, "twenty seven, twenty seven". a truck soon came down the road and ran the blonde over. the brunette then contued her mumbling, this time saying, "twenty eight, twenty eight..."