WELL I HAD A GOOD DAY UNTIL I CAME HOME AND WELL YOU KNOW THE REST...................................
I SERIOUSLY NEED TO LET OFF STEAM
Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions.
Son: Father, Can I ask you a question?
Father: Ok ask.
Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor.
404 - Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, “404 Not Found,” which means the document requested couldn't be located. “Don't bother asking John. He's 404.”
Adminisphere - The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant.
Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. “I dunno, ask Rick. He's our alpha geek.”
Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
Batmobiling - putting up emotional shields. Refers to the retracting armor that covers the Batmobile as in “she started talking marriage and he started batmobiling”
Beepilepsy - The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
Betamaxed - When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition as in “Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market”
Blamestorming - A group discussion of why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. “Damn, I just blew my buffer!” (Synonym: “Head Crash”)
Body Nazis - Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.
Bookmark - To take note of a person for future reference. “After seeing his cool demo at Siggraph, I bookmarked him.”
Brain Fart - A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly; a burst of useful information. “I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?” Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations.
CGI Joe - A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Chip Jewelry - Old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decoration. “I paid three grand for that Mac and now it's nothing but chip jewelry.”
Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. “First we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa.”
CLM (Career Limiting Move)- Used by microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. “Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.”
Cobweb - A WWW site that never changes.
Crapplet - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. “I just wasted 30 minutes downloading that crapplet!”
CROP DUSTING - Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING..... Cube Farm - An office filled with cubicles.
Dead Tree Edition - The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms.
Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss, as is Dilbert, the comic strip character. “Damn, I've been dilberted again! The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.”
Dorito Syndrome - The feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. “I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome.”
Egosurfing - Scanning the Net, databases, etc., for one's own name.
Elvis Year - The peak year of popularity as in “1993 was Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year”
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.
Generica - Fast food joints, strip malls, sub-divisions as in “we were so lost in generica that I couldn't remember what city it was”
Glazing - Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open; a popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. “Didn't he notice that by the second session half the room was glazing?”
Going Postal - Totally stressed out and losing it like postal employees who went on shooting rampages
GOOD job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
Gray Matter - Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms trying to appear more professional and established.
Graybar Land - The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). “That CAD rendering put me in graybar land for like an hour.”
High Dome - Egghead, scientist, PhD
Idea Hamsters - People whose idea generators are always running.
Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
It's a Feature - From the old adage, “It's not a bug, it's a feature.” Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant problem you wish to gloss over.
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on some people's computer keyboards.
Link Rot - The process by which web page's links become obsolete as the sites they're connected to change or die.
Meatspace - The physical world (as opposed to the virtual) also “carbon community” “facetime” “F2F” “RL”
Mouse Potato - The online generation's answer to the couch potato.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time during which you realize you've just made a terrible error.
Open-Collar Workers - People who work at home or telecommute.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Perot - To quit unexpectedly. “My cellular phone just perot'ed.”
Plug-and-Play - A new hire who doesn't require training. “That new guy is totally plug-and-play.”
Prairie Dogging - When something loud happens in a cube farm, causing heads to pop up over the walls trying to see what's going on.
Ribs 'N' Dick - A budget with no fat as in “we've got ribs 'n' dick and we're supposed to find 20K for memory upgrades”
Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end. “God, today was a total salmon day!”
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.
Siliwood - The coming convergence of movies, interactive TV and computers; also “Hollywired”
SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. “Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage”
Square-Headed Spouse - Computer
Squirt the Bird - To transmit a signal up to a satellite. “Crew and talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?”
Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
Stress Puppy - A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny.
Swiped Out - An ATM or credit card that has been used so much its magnetic strip is worn away.
Tourists - Those who take training classes just to take a vacation from their jobs. “There were only three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists.”
Treeware - Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
Umfriend - One with whom one has a sexual relationship; as in, “this is Dale, my...um...friend.”
Under Mouse Arrest - Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct. “Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest.”
Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Also: decruitment.
Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.
WOOFYS - Well Off Older Folks.
World Wide Wait - The real meaning of WWW.
Xerox Subsidy - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
Yuppie Food Coupons - Twenty dollar bills from an ATM.
Politically Correct Terms For Cat Owners: My cat does not barf hairballs he is a floor/rug redecorator My cat does not break things she helps gravity do its job My cat does not fear dogs they are merely sprint practice tools My cat does not gobble she eats with alacrity My cat does not scratch he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator My cat does not yowl he is singing off-key My cat is not a "shedding machine" she is a hair relocation stylist My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile" she enjoys the proximity of food My cat is not a bed hog he is a mattress appreciator My cat is not a chatterbox she is advising me on what to do next My cat is not a dope addict she is catnip appreciative My cat is not a lap fungus he is bed selective My cat is not a pest she is attention deprived My cat is not a ruthless hunter she is a wildlife control expert My cat is not evil she is badness enhanced My cat is not fat he is mass enhanced My cat is not hydrophobic she has an inability to appreciate moisture My cat is not lazy he is motivationally challenged My cat is not underfoot she is leading me to my next destination (the food dish!)